How am I doing?

My intention this week is to come back to the question how am I doing?

I still do not have the urge to move somewhere new right now. Every day, I sift through the sensations in my body trying to sense my urge to run. I do not find it as quick anymore. It is still there because it will always be a possibility. It is still there because I do not want it to go. But it is no longer all consuming.

I look at my ability to flee - to create and maintain my own independence at all costs - with reverence. Venerable, holy. Yet, I am scared that I have out grown that part of me.

I do not know what it means for me to settle. I do not know what it will feel like to be in one place without planning to be somewhere else.

How am I doing? Tonight, I went for walk and watched as my dog sprinted free in the field by our house. The sun was setting. It is a lovely August night. I feel calm, and I feel sad. I miss my dad, and I feel like time is moving too quickly. Where did the summer go? I don’t feel I spent enough time outside under the sky. Yesterday, I watched my dog run free on a trail, and I missed Moab in a way I haven’t in some time. I feel disconnected from the part of me that spends time in the outdoors. I want to go camping. I want to not go to work for two weeks, and instead put my phone on airplane mode and head to the Black Hills.

How am I doing? All in all, compared to how I have been before, I am doing alright.