Undercurrents at Home

Esther Sarto - Night in the Red Room, 2017

If you don’t keep moving, you will be caught. Trapped. Take a breath, relax. Lay on your mother’s couch in the late evening hours listening to the window AC unit. Feel that sense of peace that only finds you when you’re somewhere in the thick midwestern air. But only for a bit. Because if you don’t keep moving, you will be caught. Trapped. Let yourself unwind. Throw your nephew towards the sun and catch him until his giggles make him gasp for air. Bike to your childhood best friend’s house with no plans except to sit on her couch. But don’t forget, you must leave this place.

To stay is to surrender. To plant roots is to lay your weapons down. There are forces here moving against you. Flee, flee, flee. You’ve relaxed enough. Move now, barefoot on the hot summer tar. You don’t have to sprint. You just have to stay in motion. There are forces here older than you. They’ve been at work for generations. If you stay, they win. You will have been caught. Move now, girl. That anxiety in the pit of your belly is whispering a secret to you: there is freedom in no one knowing where to find you.