washing dishes: a meditation

I feel itchy, about to do something impulsive. Get a new tattoo. Book a trip to Guatemala. (I already did book a yoga retreat in Tuscany). Jump on a dating app. I feel like the world is asking me to be patient right now, to bide my time. I have always struggled with patience. Always wanted everything now now now. Reminding myself to breathe, a four count inhale and a four count exhale. My life is still real even if I am just living day to day. I was washing my dinner dishes last night, lamenting how I am always either putting dishes away or cleaning them. I caught myself, reminded myself you are living in your own home, your soft kitchen light is aglow over your skin, and there is no chaos. This is everything you dreamt up. Be grateful for how far you’ve come. The dishes became a practice of gratitude. What does is feel like to know I have complete control over my space? In my bones, it feels safe. In my bones, it feels free. There are different kinds of freedom. I am more used to seeking the kind that is found when fitting all my belongings into my car and leaving. This new one, the freedom of staying, creating a life for myself, is going to take some getting used to.